I frequently have questions about relationships thrown my way. I thought I’d share this exchange with you.
I’m engaged to marry and I currently work with my fiancé in our youth ministry, we are both Youth Leaders. I wanted to get your thoughts on how the dynamic of our relationship (regarding headship and submission) plays out in our responsibilities at church, can it be separate? Or should/do the roles also translate in other areas we work together (e.g. if we start a business etc..)
For example, if we have differing opinions about how to do things in the youth ministry (not necessarily to do with right or wrong) and we have discussed things and there needs to be a judgement call.
I have had impression in my heart for a while that we need to address/work out the issue of our roles concerning headship and submission according to God’s word so that we can have a fulfilled relationship.
I appreciate your advice!
The simple answer is that the principles of headship & submission should not be a church thing. It’s for every part of your lives together.
But your understanding of what the bible says about headship and submission will determine if you experience God’s best in this area of your relationship.
The best example for us in these matters is Jesus who is the husband of the church, and us, His bride. Take your cue from Him. So here’s the question you need to answer: how did/does Jesus treat us when we have ideas that are different to ours? It’s His goodness to us that led us to change our minds. Romans 2:4.
Your role as a husband and head is biblical and true, but it is not put into effect automatically, it is your willingness to be kind to her and prefer her that eventually leads to the submission you will get from her. Jesus, our husband never forced us or preached us into submission. He never demanded submission from us…He submitted his life first to us, it is this kindness that leads us, His bride, to submit to him.
The bible says to us, the heads of our marriage to love our wife as Christ loved the church. Christ loved the church by giving his life FIRST! Your wife will never struggle to submit to you in any matter if you give your life, if you give up your preferences for her on a daily basis. A good woman has no problem submitting to a dead man! 👀
You will not get the privilege to be the head of your household as God intended if you don’t constantly and consistently lay down your preferences. A man assumes his role as the head of his wife through His death to his preferences. He is not head of His house by “right” but by Love. That’s how Jesus became the head of the church, His bride.
When you do this consistently, and then learn to negotiate patiently, and negotiate with her as your friend and equal even though you have differing roles, you will reach agreements on these things.
Make it your goal to decide on everything together, she will not have a problem with giving you last word on the rare occasions that you both can’t agree.